Pick-up is under the umbrella of sales which is under the umbrella of persuasion which is under the umbrella of communications.
1. Differences between sales and pick-up skills.
2. Differences between good communication skills and pick-up or sales.
3. Any other thoughts on these three areas and how they relate to each other.
Pick-up is a “particular” style of selling. It emphasizes a cold style (eg. cold calling = calling someone you don’t know for example, and your odds of success are low) and the client is very finicky. Plus, they operate on feelings, animal instincts and the heart and it highlights just how important emotion is in selling.
Someone with good PUA skills and poor general communications skills is better at shorter term relationships than long-term relations.
Pickup and sales teaches you how to persuade and be motivated to persuade. Persuasion is one kind of skill in communications. Someone who is good at sales or pickup has the stamina to keep selling and picking up even as a relationship falls apart or sale does not close. So there is a motivational aspect to it.
There is also a great deal of self-examination that must take place to see where it fell apart. Sales and Pick-up looks at failures as positive opportunities than someone who looks at communication failures from a communications perspective. In fact, a good pick-up artist looks at a unsuccessful night out with equal learning experience and growth as unsuccessful night.
They have to–there are far more failures than successes.
To the pick-up artist (PUA), Communications scholars in general focuses too much on logic, a Cartesian thought model, and verbal over emotion, Spinozan thought model and non-verbal. A PUA might employ double entendre, humor, posture, tonality and break the persuasion into step process. The message is worth little, and the logic almost worth nothing in the grand equation.
Ultimately authentic confidence and perceived value are the ultimate variables in the equation. (and that is the draw for pick-up artists to the men’s circle. To increase authenticity and value). The female is thought of as an ultimate feeling meter and can feel the slightest feeling you may not necessarily feel in yourself.
A salesperson and a PUA believes perception is important. It is important in how your audience sees you and how you see yourself. Being happy will make you smile. But, also smiling will make you happy. Fake it until you make it. You have to perceive and pretend you will succeed in order to get your first sale. This is a major philosophical difference with the Circle. The circle emphasizes substantive successes, commitments, authentic purpose that ultimately will give you confidence and value.
As a PUA guru once said, It’s not important that you are not the biggest bad ass in the world, its just important that a woman believes that (as far as you are concerned) YOU ARE THE BIGGEST BAD ASS IN THE WORLD. (I think they are both sizzle and steak are a part of a larger feedback loop. A PUA refers to these two aspects as “outergame” and “innergame.”)
Communications relies on 2 halves. Speaking and Listening. PUA and selling focuses on Speaking and controlling the flow of thought.
PUAs like stand-up comics overemphasize elegantly scripted dialogues and interactions. If it were a chess board, it allows them to think several moves ahead of the other person in a game they have already played. In recent years pickup theory has become more free-form, but “routine scripts” still set it apart.
A salesmen and a PUA believes that persuasion is more an “speculative art” that requires practice in-field than a hard science wth proven principles that can be learned. PUAs and sales people are interested in other speculative spontaneous in-field arts. Things like NLP, hypnosis, self-help books, which have little academic backing.
In particular, advanced PUAs also get interested in dramatic acting, improv and stand-up comedy. Sales-people often get involved in public speaking like toastmasters.
Pickup and sales provides constant immediate unambiguous feedback in a controlled setting in the form of money, sexual relations or success. Being a psychologist, a manager, or a college counselor or a speech writer might not have that same powerful learning effect. This is the main reasons why I love pickup. It teaches me to persusade and relate with immediate feedback.
I think that there a lot of idealistic, introspective, authentic types on the circle. It makes these philosophical ideas very incongruent, and unpalatable with who they are. Some of these ideas are diametrically opposed to who they are…which isn’t superficial. You might have friends say, “what has happened to you? You are not the same anymore?” “This is not you? Stop pretending.”
Pickup and sales also has a great deal of purposelessness to it. It is not really an end but a means to an end. I always thought that PU and the TMC balanced each other. But to quote Will Smith the PUA in Hitch, “Who you are is a very fluid concept.”